So during my steady, contended way of life I was sitting and thinking about doing a self-reflective, stream-of-consciousness type blog about being young, I was thinking about doing another film review for Up in the Air (four Arnies), I was thinking about doing a rant blog about being alienated and alone in the world but eventually I decided that these were things which neither of us really wanted so I'm going to a blog simply about being drunk.
Several things are going well; I'm not hungover (all though I was kind of up for the experience as I've never ever been hungover, but let's not be negative), I'm the first person in the house up, there's some nice snow outside which makes my garden quite picturesque but doesn't mess up the roads, the birds are singing and I feel I've learned something from getting pissed -without having to screw up in one way or another in order to do that.
So a schmaltzy, reflective, life lesson type of blog we have indeed. But first let me tell me about one of the books I'm reading (alongside Dracula, Wuthering Heights and The Great Gatsby and probably a dozen more books I haven't finished); It's called The Perks of Being a Wallflower by Stephen Chbosky, I got it dirt cheap on Amazon and it was recommended to me since I predictably fell in love with The Catcher In The Rye which I also got dirt cheap on Amazon. It's ok but it's full of these little moments, these simple, understated moments where everything just feels right and if you take out everything in the context of that moment then the moment may seem like the most perfect thing in the world even though nothing great in particular happens. I'm going to quote just so you can understand my blog title a little bit and what I'm on about.
Sam tapped her hand on the steering wheel. Patrick held his hand outside the car and made air waves. And I just sat between them. After the song finished, I said something.
"I feel infinite"
And Sam and Patrick looked at me like I said the greatest thing they ever heard. Because the song was great and because we all really paid attention to it. Five minutes of a lifetime were truly spent, and we felt young in a good way. I have since bought the record and would tell you what it was but, truthfully, it's not the same unless you're driving to your first real party, and you're sitting in the middle seat of a pickup with two nice people when it starts to rain.
[10:02am, after shower and exercises etc]. And that's kind of how I felt during and after Carrie's party, I managed for the first time to get a level of drunk that's in between just disorientated and slightly energetic and writhing in pain blowing chunks on Rob's carpet and for this reason it felt like I had never been to a proper party before, and I don't really care if it sounds a little pathetic but it was just right. It was also a strange kind of drunk where I could still say big words and be introspective, I probably would've used the word introspective had it fitted in to a sentence. And I was aware of my friends and how great they are, I was even able to tell them that, how great they are which isn't something I would usually do. I felt like I was turning in to a much more open and spontaneous person, other people probably didn't get such a poignant experience and I'm sorry if I'm making you feel even more like shit through irony.
[11:15am, a deserved lie down and some pointless web searching] Anyway at the end of the day I decided to write what what was in my head on the pad by my bed, this is the pad where I write notes that may important or little thoughts that I get. Sometimes I get afraid that good days or moments would be lost forever so I keep note of stuff. Which is also why I have a folder stuffed full of little keepsakes of last year with no real purpose anymore, it's also why I might take a little photo of something which I might find kind of beautiful but in a way that nobody else would notice or bother to take a photo of which makes it even more special. So on this pad, when I was still surprisingly drunk it said this:
BLISS
CLARITY
OPENNESS
LOSS OF MUSCULAR FUNCTIONS
LOVE
IGNORANCE
ONE OF THE BEST DAYS OF YOUR LIFE (but crossed out, and underneath it said: THE BEST DAY OF YOUR LIFE, for some reason I think this might be right)
IS YOUR REASONING RATIONAL? IT SEEMS SO.
TALK. COMMUNICATION,
FORGET THE PAIN.
SMILE. FRIENDS.
P.T.O
(next page)
YOUR LIFE IS BEAUTIFUL! (circled and underlined)
WRITING IS NEVER DELETED (I accidently deleted an epic text I was working on earlier)
LACK OF CONTROL
WATER!
WRITE A BLOG ABOUT SOMETHING BEAUTIFUL
SWITCHING LIGHT ON AND OFF TO WRITE
SANITY- FEEBLE CONCEPT
CHECK TEXTS
CONFIDENCE
EXCITEMENT!
that was nice way to finish the drunken note I think.
you might think that's all of this is pretty strange but new Open Me doesn't really care.
I tend to write my blog in sporadic way throughout the day which is why I've posted the times that I contribute in brackets, and that the fact that I started in the morning is still clear.
Anyway, I think I'm done with telling you my moment of infinity.
Stay lovely
x
